If programming languages were my ex ?

Fabbook Life and Dev

How love life of a developer looks like when it come to programming language?

Curiously it looks like real life, we switch from one technology to another hoping to find “the One”. I’ll tell you my first loves as developer in time order. Please do not let kids read this paper, it contain explicit description of software conception. And you do not want to explain to your kid “How do we make software?”

C the cougar

She is a really old woman; thanks to her I know how a computer works. She has a lot of experience and she can do everything. Due to her long past, you can never conquer this woman. I have been her sexual toy for couple of software projects and she never calls me back. But thank to this affair I became an adult developer

Pascal the one night stand

We met in university during this party. We talked; we’ve made couple of lines together. A few drinks later we’ve made our unprotected software. Next day I’ve made a test and it was positive. I never called her back.

Fortran the brain

She is a real lab rat, with big googles and big math functions. She has been adopted by a family of math and physics doctors.

I must confess I used her to complete my physics homework. Once she became useless I left her like an old sock.

We talk to each other sometime and she keep working in the university, so I feel less guilty about this story.

Java the complicated girl

She was my official girlfriend during my engineering school. Coming straight from a Woody Allen movie, she is so tiresome. She will wrap your head for a true or a false.

It never been great love with her, I only remember how complicated she was. Just to say “Hello World”, you need to write a complete software statement.

public class Java {
    public static void main(String[] args) {
        System.out.println("Hello World");
    }
}

And on a more private note, the foreplay was endless and you had no guarantee of success.

However she did teach me meaningful things like patience and object oriented programming. As soon as I received my diploma I never talked to her again.

I have couple of former student colleagues who live in perfect love with her.

PHP the easy going girl

PHP is the girl that deployed herself everywhere as soon as she sees an “apache”. She can run a website with few files and fewer lines. Anyone can do anything with her, and that’s part of the problem.

If you are looking to build something solid, she is a little bit twisted. However she get better with some Symfony from Fabien Potencier.This would help for a more serious relationship.

Because she was really easy going, she was really popular so we can find her software everywhere. We loved each other but now it’s over (even if she try to get me back)

C# the closed girl

I met this girl by chance or misfortune, one day. She is nice and she knows couple of tricks. But as soon as you want to know more about her, she closes herself like an oyster. She comes from the Crosoft family and it is in their genes to keep secret.

Each attempt to know her better led me to a blue screen. With this kind of girl you’ve got the feeling you are living with a total stranger. I never liked that, so I run away.

Javascript the hot girl

Ok Javascript at first look was not sexy at all. At first she was the ugly girl who left alone in parties. But sometime, when you were running out of choices, she was the last and only option : An animated menu, an AJAX request, one scrolling menu later you never call her back after.

However, this girl grows on you, and she became really hot. Now when people see her their IQ drop drastically. She can do many things on a client, on a server and even in OS. With some coffee she became more clear. She is fast and asynchronous so she is top. But she is a little bit young, so even if she is pretty, she clearly lacks some culture. And we have nothing to talk together.

We met in a cool start-up surrounded by cool people with uncool haircuts. The day where I had to build an authentication module from scratch was when I realized this girl was not for me and she was too young for me.

Ruby the one

I heard about her for a long time, but I never get the chance to see her in flesh till one day we bumped in each other and started to talk. It took some time form me to adapt to her (she has Japanese and Danish family). But after a while she is really clear.

I liked her first because she was simple and rigorous. I realized really fast that she tried to make me a better developer. I did not left my elbows on the table, I started TDD, I stopped repeating myself.

So she is a woman, I could see myself building things with her. She has lot of experience; she is really classy and simple.

I think I’m in love …

Last words

It’s hard to know what will happen in one year, two years etc … Reading my article I realize that programming language are really close to people. Are you in a relationship with a technology? Are you faithful ? Comment below.